I can always tell how a first date is going to go with a broad when I tell her I work for the New York Department of Parks and Recreation. If her face falls and she suddenly starts looking for excuses to call the evening early, I know she’s just one of the rabble out there that thinks all we do is walk around Central Park in jumpsuits picking up trash. What most people don’t know is that DPR is also in charge of several of the bridges around the city. That’s my job. I’m in charge of High Bridge.
As all you mooks know, High Bridge has been closed since the 70s, ever since it became a troll bridge.
Now, High Bridge is hardly the only troll bridge in New York, obviously. They’re so common, people in a hurry tend to slur the word and thus you end up with ‘toll bridge’ but we all know what’s really going on. The problem is that the particular family of trolls that live under HB are from the Olde Country, and they refuse to give up their ways.
See, while most trolls have adapted to the changes in the times and are willing to take money in exchange for safe passage, these clowns still demand a goat. Who carries goats with them wherever they go anymore? No one, right? So that’s the problem. Back in the 70s, some guy thought he could get away with crossing the bridge with just cash, and he got eaten. Actually, it’s probably happened more than just that one time, but that one made the headlines because the trolls tossed the skull away when they were done stripping the flesh and sucking out the brains, and the skull hit a passing boat. Some passengers freaked out and files complaints with the city, yadda yadda. Next thing you know, bam. The bridge is closed.
Which is fine with me, honestly. As the High Bridge Maintenance Overseer, this meant my job for the last 30-some years has mostly consisted of making sure the ‘Bridge out, no trespassing’ signs are still in place. Yeah sure, the City is talking about renovating the bridge, chasing out the trolls and reopening the bridge in a few years, but I’m retiring in September so what do I care?
What are they going to do with the trolls? Well, I imagine they’ll put them on the reservation like usual. Oh, you didn’t know we had a troll reservation in the city? Yeah, what do you think all them ‘disused tunnels’ are all about?