Thank you. Thank you. You’re all awesome. Folks, we all know that “In his house at R’lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming.” This is not news to anyone, of course. But what does he dream about? No one has ever really answered that question… until now!
Today on Dreamchasers, we are going to find out exactly what it is that dead Cthulhu dreams about in that house of his. And by the way, stay tuned after our show when Houses of the Famous tackles that very same R’lyeh property! But now, let’s turn to our Dreamchasers Experts, and see: What Does Cthulhu Dream?
Are we done? Yeah? Ok great. Collin, take this microphone. I’ll be in my dressing room until the last bit. Oh, Susie, make sure craft services sends me a bottle of Sam Adams this time ok? Not that Budweiser crap they tried to foist off on me last week.
God. 77 episodes of this crap. It pays the bills, sure, but I dunno. Being the host for a Discovery Channel show? I had dreams, you know. I was going to be on Broadway by now. I should be on Broadway by now. I’m good, dammit. Better than this show deserves anyways. Did you see the episode in season 2 when I had to pretend to be excited about Ben Stein’s dreams? Ben freakin’ Stein, for god’s sake. “Bueller… Bueller…” And the worst part is, he DREAMS in that voice too! But I sold it. Yes I did. Should have won an Emmy for that: Best dramatic performance of utter bullshit. No, I should have been on Broadway.
I would have been great.
When I was six, I saw a performance… oh, thanks Susie. Yeah, this is perfect. Thanks. No, that’s ok, I have my own bottle opener. Anyways. When I was six I saw a performance of Phantom at the Ahmanson. Crawford’s last show. The first time. You know, before he came back out of retirement and did another bazillion shows. The emotion in his voice, even when he was singing was so intense, I just knew I had to do that. To be up there, under the lights. Smell of the greasepaint, roar of the crowd and all that, right? The very next school day, I went to my teacher and said I wanted to be an actor.
I dunno how it all went wrong. I went to an arts school, majored in drama. I got great reviews. My senior year, we did Streetcar. I played Stanley. We sold out and even added a last-minute Midnight show closing day, and THAT sold out too. And now look at me. Ten years later and I’m hosting a freaking Discovery Channel show about dreams. What about mine, huh? Let’s do a show about MY dreams. I’ll bet that’ll sell a lot of whatever it is we’re advertizing this week.
What? Time? Oh, ok. Thanks Susie. I’ll be right there. I just need a second.
I have something in my eye.